I used to be very categorical and I didn’t realize that I am until quite a few people have pointed this out and help me to see not a very positive part of it. And by categorical I mean that I used to be quite strict with my opinions and beliefs, especially at the moments when those didn’t meet with others’. But that has changed, of course there’s still a lot of room for improvement, but now I’m not afraid of being wrong or to change my mind within time. I’ve learnt that being a smartest person in a room isn’t an achievement and not being one isn’t wrong either. In fact, being one is equivalent to saying no for knowledge, tolerance, humanity and peace. You don’t need to know everything, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You shouldn’t be afraid of asking questions because there’s something you don’t know about. The more questions you will ask – the more you will learn. And one thing I’ve learnt quite recently, that I don’t understand this thing called anger. I totally don’t. And this applies to a lot of things: politics, beliefs, religion, social media, press, other people’s actions. Most importantly – I don’t understand the anger behind one’s wish to change the world for the better. Because if you do really want to do so – quit the anger. RIGHT NOW.
Yes, that is not so easy to do as to say it, but… if you came up with such an idea of changing the world in the first place, then you already know that this ain’t gonna be easy, right? So instead of going out and ranting all about, start from yourself – quit the anger. You ain’t going to change anything by being angry. And yes, there are lots of things that often sadden us and brings up other negative emotions, but here we have full responsibility and power not to turn it into words and actions that will influence even more anger which later might lead to sneer or violence.
If there’s something that saddens you so much, and makes you super angry whenever you come across it – stop it right there! Take deep breaths, don’t be spontaneous, don’t get too emotional, try to control your emotions. Don’t be too quick to judge, don’t be too quick with your words and actions. That doesn’t mean that you have to ignore if something really bad is happening and it does require an action at this very moment, what I mean to say is – always ask yourself twice whether you do really need to do something about it right now, and if that will definitely be for the better. Cause if that’s just someone’s comment that pissed you off, or someone said that they don’t care about the environment and they don’t agree with all the vegan and cruelty free ‘bullshit’ – don’t be quick to defend, disagree and argue, because this might not bring any good at all eventually. And since the better is what you’re after – learn to control your anger, because anger doesn’t stand right next to good.
I definitely don’t mean to say that we have to be ignorant and let the evil to trash around. I come from a background where bullying was daily, and unfortunately I was often the victim. At these moments I often wished someone would have stood for me because I was incapable, I never knew how to respond, I didn’t have a sharp tongue. So now whenever I see someone bullying other – I always try to defend and put the bully down. But here again, within time I’ve learnt to be smarter and take things slower. We need to control our anger in order not to get over the limit, and today I’ve got a few tips which might help!
But before, let’s see when anger becomes a problem.
Anger becomes a problem when it creates trouble for you with other people, your work, your health, day-to-day living or the law. Anger is also a problem when other people around you are frightened, hurt or feel they cannot talk to you or disagree with you in case you become angry. Here are some signs when anger becomes a problem:
• Anger involves verbal, emotional, physical or psychological abuse.
• You feel angry a lot of the time.
• People close to you are worried about your anger.
• Anger is leading to problems with personal relationships and work.
• You think you have to get angry to get what you want.
• Anger seems to get bigger than the event that set it off.
• Anger lasts for a long time, and well after the triggering event has passed.
• Anger affects other situations not related to the original event.
• You are becoming anxious or depressed about your anger.
• You are using tabaco, alcohol or other drugs to try to manage your anger.
• You are getting angry with the people who are closest to you, or with people who are less powerful than you, rather than dealing with the situation that sparked off your anger in the first place.
And these, my friend, are serious signs of the anger taking control over you. I’m not proud to say that, but I’ve learnt this in a hard way. Unfortunately the anger also affected my physical health, because I’ve held it for far too long. That’s why it’s so important to find the inner peace of mind, so give another go for one of my previous posts!
And here I have a few tips which will help you to control the anger:
• Think before you speak. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same. It took me decades to get along with this, but I’m slowly getting better.
• Once you’re calm, express your anger. As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
• Exercise. Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.
• Time out. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritated or angry. This can be a quick power nap, or a midday 10min meditation session.
• Meditate. I’ve mentioned exercises and meditation many times already, and I hope I’ve made my point so far as well, hah. But yes, meditation is the best cure for anxiety, anger, anything emotional and even physical. So if you haven’t yet started meditating – you better do! 10min a day is more than enough for a beginner.
• Don’t hold a grudge. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.
• Use humor to release tension. Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse. In my case, when I argue with my boyfriend and when it’s about to get serious – we start talking in funny accents or I talk to him in my hometown’s dialect which is always funny, and makes us both laugh. Not always it’s easy to do this, but within time you learn. And it’s enough for one to start doing something funny, then other always follows up. :)
• Know when to seek help. Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.
• Control your thinking. Remember my post about the power of a mindset? Go ahead and have a second read! Don’t be afraid to change your mind, also remember that it can change and whatever you’re feeling or thinking right now – later you might regret. So always give yourself a second thought, don’t be too strict to judge and express it out.
I hope you’ll find these tips helpful whenever you need to get over the negative emotions as these do apply to any indeed, not just only anger :) So let’s stay positive, more open minded and tolerant. Let’s change the world for the better without anger. Let’s give second chances, learn how to let things go, forgive and always be grateful for the present!
I promise to get back to blogging more, although I hope you enjoy this not so very constant appearance of mine, but I decided to stick with the quality rather than quantity. Have a great week, peeps!